i feel like kissing myself. can i? pretty please.

i'm editing my compo. damit i want that money prize. i know i CAN write well, but just that my kind of writing is vague. vague, cos i like my readers to be able to draw to their own conclusions, plus, it'll add an aura of mystery to the story.

however, since mrs neo is marking, i guess i should add detail. she likes details. she doesn't like melodrama. soo...


pride

"She's so horrible, her father died and I heard she didn't even shed a tear."

"Ever since her mother died, her father has been nothing but nice to her. I've heard stories of how he lavishes her with gifts but not a single word of thanks has come out of her mouth. Such ungratefulness!"

I set my mouth in a grim line as whispers of such surround me. I look down upon the glass coffin. The man's face looked at utter peace. My hands shook. Dying in his sleep. Why must my father die peacefully while my mother went through pain before she was put to rest? Leukemia is an ugly thing. I remember crying and sobbing uncontrollably at my mother's funeral. Yet, now, same place, same purpose, I just stared down at the corpse completely void of emotion, all for the reason of it being a different person.

What they say is true. My father had never mistreated me. On the contrary, I was his gem. He came to every single school event I took part in. He paid the finest tutors to teach me until I perfected every single subject. He responded to my every want. I know all he wanted from me is love. Love and forgiveness.

I closed my eyes. Do not think about it, I told myself as I forced deep even breaths out of me, not now.

As the service ended, countless people came up to me. Relatives asked whether I would be okay handling the money my father had passed down to me. Friends just gave me short words of sorry. Yet, I could see their eyes comprehending the unnerved state I was in. Surprise, disdain, annoyance. None of them knew what I went through.

"Papa?" I called out. The house was empty. I crept upstairs. Where was my father? I wondered. He planned to take me to the hospital to see my mother.
I heard the sound of voices from his room. Hurriedly I opened the door. I screamed. My father quickly got off the bed and wrapped himself in a towel. The Chinese woman just shrieked and covered herself up with the blanket.

It was then and there when I vowed I would never forgive and forget what my father did.

I reached home to deathly silence. How cliche, I chided myself. I went up to my dad's room and started packing his things into cardboard boxes. I did not even bother to arrange them nicely. Why should I? My father does not deserve nice. Mid-toss of a leather folder, a folded note fell out. I scrutinized it. It was somehow familiar. Then, I realized that it was the note he had left under my pillow a few days after the "incident" happened. I had thrown it back to him without reading it. This time though, I opened it. Give the dead man some consolation.

"Dear Nasuha,

I have tried to talk to you over the past few days. This is what happened. I got drunk the night before, I didn't realize what happened. That woman, Katrina, was also unaware. Regardless, I will take full responsibility for what had happened. I understand if you'll not ever talk to me, let alone forgive me. You have the right to. What I did was indescribably despicable, aggravated by the fact that your mother is sick. I'm not making excuses for what happened, I just want to let you know that if I had control over what happened, that would never had happened. That was where I did wrong, didn't I? I did not give myself control over the situation. I'm a disappointment as a father and husband. I am so sorry."

I was barely aware the sobs convulsing from my body repeatedly. Deep inside me, I knew he never meant to do everything he put me through. I just had to cringe sometimes to rid the poison from my mind. I had forgiven him all this time. It was just my pride unwilling to give in.

comments , please =)

no need to be polite. just tell me if it s**** =)