nas killed the drama at
10:46 PM on Wednesday, November 01, 2006
nisa & i. somewhere in the airport. HAHA U DUNNO WHERE RITE? (okay pls just let me have my way). n yes, nisa has a nice outfit on. duh its mine. (somehow people always look better in my clothes than i do)
daddy got me a new Barbie. the one in the purple top. she's my best friend.I FEEL SICK.havent slept properly in days. no, i'm not showing off at how FUCKING STUDIOUS AND HARDWORKING i am. fuck it, god knows i'm not.
& i'm not fucking smart.
my own mother says i must study twice as hard to fucking b on par with fucking everyone.
so dont fucking tell me i'm fucking being unreasonable.
dont fucking ask me how's me & khai
dont fucking ask me how's me n my friends
dont act like you fucking care.
its like those fucked up number patterns. only i dont get any marks for getting it right.NO ITS NOT A FUCKING EMO CATCH PHRASE.
I FUCKING MADE IT UP MYSELF.
& my dear principal, if you happen to read this, just go tell you friends i'm not from your school. yes its that easy.
its injustice how when someone makes a mistake, instant forgiveness is expected. oh & guess what, i even gave a bonus of him taking his own sweet time to learn his lesson.
sayang punye pasal..
then now what? i chose the wrong words & i've starting a fucking world war us? HELLO.
i didnt even MEAN it.
you KNOW its obviously fucking sarcasm.
you (my blog viewers) know what? i think i'm suffering from an addiction. an addiction to STRESS. like i'll always put my bloody heart on the line just for the pleasure to get it all ripped apart. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA. oh! and when i study, i wont get sated til i go bonkers. like now.
my finger bled from writing too much. well not exactly. at first it was a blister. well i hate blisters. so i scratched n peeled. oooo n blood came out. (its sadistic, NOT emoshit) so, unable to grip my pen properly without me cringing, i shifted my work to the computer. i'm doing geog anyway. i think its much bttr this way. cos i can actually research on tourism n stuff.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. hey i'm not laughing, i'm just putting a series of H's and A's together. got a problem with that?
oh iri n i made up
& me, deprived of sleep, got all emoshit n promised him a pizza hut treat.
yeah, it's not much.
but before that i had already promised ikmal, nurul, nadz, zul n khai all pizza hut treats.
(sadly) there goes my hari raya money.
nas killed the drama at
12:02 PM on Tuesday, October 31, 2006
wow! i'm online! heh. actually i'm here cos i wanna apply for 3mths jc at TPJC. YES I CAN GO JC! =DDDDDD
midyearseng -
C6 (dont ask me how that happened)
math -
F9humans -
E8malay -
C5science -
B4D&T -
F9so L1R4: 36 L1R5: 41yeah so i was depressed blablabla. & khaii helped me get back on track. thanks baby. and for the prelims, i got :ENG - A2MATH - B4HUMANS - B4SCIENCE - B3MALAY - B4D&T - A1so L1R4: 14 L1R5: 18
u noe wad? i'm glad this time all the effort paid off. now i must b consistent for my o's =))
happy birthday Nurul Iffah =D
nas killed the drama at
9:52 PM on Tuesday, October 03, 2006
isn't it bloody contradicting for one to lecture about slandering and defamation, and the next week, display an epitome of such acts IN BLOODY PUBLIC.dear mrsheadofauthority
oh bloody hell, yes i'm pissed at you. pissed = very very angry. you HUMILIATED my friend. by making an ACT out of her family problems. it's despicable, no less. god dammit. how could someone be so UNHUMAN. argh.
regards,
me and no one else
sorry for the lack of update. =). i've been really really really busy. khairulanwar's been a total sweetheart. so much that i wanna name my son Nufan Bin Khairulanwar. yeah yeah, no use for a name. i noe, lame. but it has a nice ring to it ok.
yest i was MAI (miserable and inferior) so i ran 2 rounds around the school. which was fine, cept that i've only slept for 2hrs n i didnt eat at all. fuck. big mistake. after that run i was practically sprawled over the drain vomitting my guts out. yuck. ika forced me not to study anymore, & mr lee told me not to do my dnt. den ika went to mr peterson to call my mum to take me hm. khaii & ika's so sweet. they waited at e atrium til my parents came. khaii actually sat by my bag while ika & i bought drinks. y?
"nanti org amek beg u.." he's too bloody adorable la. <3xinfinity href="http://w4.photobucket.com/widgets/dynamicflash.php?featuretype=bucketshow&featurename=RHday&pa=/y130/nasuhaa/" featurename="RHday&pa=">
http://w4.photobucket.com/widgets/dynamicflash.php?featuretype=bucketshow&featurename=RHday&pa=/y130/nasuhaa/
nas killed the drama at
4:41 AM on Tuesday, July 25, 2006
ilovehimihatehim.
i feel my heart voraciously clawing itself. he's not only hurt me like fuck, he's also insulted my friend. i hate the sick perverse bastard side of him. it's obvious i can't satisfy him.
part of me tells me a breakup will do me good. but i just can't let him go. i love him. yes nur nasuha loves khairulanwar.
its amazing how my friends can make me feel so much better. i really am grateful for them, iya, nat, lihssie, qiqi.
why is it that i go for guys with ego?
he says he's sorry. he explains that it's normal. i say i'm sorry. i explain that i'm a girl i have good reason to be upset.
she walks behind him, her treads barely making a sound. she tries not to think about it. tears stung at her eyes, ardent with persistence to break free. she takes even breaths. he doesn't even seem to notice a thing..fuck it lah.
oh & there's this girl at my school. dulu typical minarep. skrg..*drum roll* EMOKID. mentang2 bf punk..
i don't know if i can ever get over this..
i miss ikmal bin hisharm..
nas killed the drama at
3:34 AM on Wednesday, July 12, 2006
i feel like kissing myself. can i? pretty please.
i'm editing my compo. damit i want that money prize. i know i CAN write well, but just that my kind of writing is vague. vague, cos i like my readers to be able to draw to their own conclusions, plus, it'll add an aura of mystery to the story.
however, since mrs neo is marking, i guess i should add detail. she likes details. she doesn't like melodrama. soo...
pride"She's so horrible, her father died and I heard she didn't even shed a tear."
"Ever since her mother died, her father has been nothing but nice to her. I've heard stories of how he lavishes her with gifts but not a single word of thanks has come out of her mouth. Such ungratefulness!"
I set my mouth in a grim line as whispers of such surround me. I look down upon the glass coffin. The man's face looked at utter peace. My hands shook. Dying in his sleep. Why must my father die peacefully while my mother went through pain before she was put to rest? Leukemia is an ugly thing. I remember crying and sobbing uncontrollably at my mother's funeral. Yet, now, same place, same purpose, I just stared down at the corpse completely void of emotion, all for the reason of it being a different person.
What they say is true. My father had never mistreated me. On the contrary, I was his gem. He came to every single school event I took part in. He paid the finest tutors to teach me until I perfected every single subject. He responded to my every want. I know all he wanted from me is love. Love and forgiveness.
I closed my eyes. Do not think about it, I told myself as I forced deep even breaths out of me, not now.
As the service ended, countless people came up to me. Relatives asked whether I would be okay handling the money my father had passed down to me. Friends just gave me short words of sorry. Yet, I could see their eyes comprehending the unnerved state I was in. Surprise, disdain, annoyance. None of them knew what I went through.
"Papa?" I called out. The house was empty. I crept upstairs. Where was my father? I wondered. He planned to take me to the hospital to see my mother.
I heard the sound of voices from his room. Hurriedly I opened the door. I screamed. My father quickly got off the bed and wrapped himself in a towel. The Chinese woman just shrieked and covered herself up with the blanket.
It was then and there when I vowed I would never forgive and forget what my father did.
I reached home to deathly silence. How cliche, I chided myself. I went up to my dad's room and started packing his things into cardboard boxes. I did not even bother to arrange them nicely. Why should I? My father does not deserve nice. Mid-toss of a leather folder, a folded note fell out. I scrutinized it. It was somehow familiar. Then, I realized that it was the note he had left under my pillow a few days after the "incident" happened. I had thrown it back to him without reading it. This time though, I opened it. Give the dead man some consolation.
"Dear Nasuha,
I have tried to talk to you over the past few days. This is what happened. I got drunk the night before, I didn't realize what happened. That woman, Katrina, was also unaware. Regardless, I will take full responsibility for what had happened. I understand if you'll not ever talk to me, let alone forgive me. You have the right to. What I did was indescribably despicable, aggravated by the fact that your mother is sick. I'm not making excuses for what happened, I just want to let you know that if I had control over what happened, that would never had happened. That was where I did wrong, didn't I? I did not give myself control over the situation. I'm a disappointment as a father and husband. I am so sorry."
I was barely aware the sobs convulsing from my body repeatedly. Deep inside me, I knew he never meant to do everything he put me through. I just had to cringe sometimes to rid the poison from my mind. I had forgiven him all this time. It was just my pride unwilling to give in.
comments , please =)
no need to be polite. just tell me if it s**** =)
nas killed the drama at
1:42 AM on Sunday, July 09, 2006
